Tuesday 13th September – Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive

Yesterday was the start of the 6th week of recovery. *whoop whoop* I decided to go into work driving Gavin’s automatic to celebrate and show em whatigot.  The what-a-lot-i-got didn’t get a lot.

I took the kids to school with huge cheers and woots at my ability to drive again. I showedem that my chair is indeed need for replacement and that sitting for longer than 30 mins is eina. I showedem that I can stand at my desk doing emails and I also showedem how to leave the office before 12 to go home and recover. I think my body went into tilt and the ‘gameover’ screen came up.

My mother’s house is halfway between the office and home and I felt so suddenly weary that I pulled into her driveway announcing “Mom please make me tea I need to lie down.” I love mothers – unconditional love is a beautiful thing. My mom has been especially wonderful since the accident and I’m so grateful that she has been around.

I’ve been told by a many that I need to wait a full 6 weeks before resuming play. I desperately wanted to beat that deadline, but the rules of anatomy seem to winning this contest.  Today was definitely doing the waltz again. One step forward in the morning and two back in the afternoon.

I need to work towards a full recovery and push otherwise I don’t know where the limits are……..I found them yesterday! Tomorrow’s limits will be different.

I repeat – this cycling accident was a gift, and the lessons can be applied to life in general. If you do not have something to work towards then you get locked into doing the same thing every day without a sense of purpose. Below is taken from motivator Johan Cambell’s newsletter (http://www.motivate.co.za)

“Then when something happens that stops you from doing what you always do you get stuck not knowing what to do. Trying to open the door that has just closed all too often gets a loud complaint about how unfair life is. So much energy is given to what you have “lost” that you fail to see the open doors all around you. Because you have got used to doing what you do, you feel that if you can’t do it anymore then there is nothing else that you can do.

Develop a sense of purpose for your life, realise that what you now do is a way of achieving your purpose, merely a way not the only way. Become flexible in your approach to life. Ask “what else can I do?” rather than “why me?” then when one door closes go and knock on the next one, secure in the belief that “When one door closes another always opens”.

This is exactly what has happened to me. In 5 short weeks the business has had to cope without me and while that door has closed another has opened. I have a purpose and that has given me a new direction in all aspects of my existance. Isn’t life just fabulous!

Monday 6 September – I don’t think you understand

We have a family tradition where we share our high’s and low’s for the week at Sunday dinner. All my kids have seen my accident as a ‘high’ especially Page who has loved having more mom time. How can it be a high?!

Clearly my frustration and pain is not fully understood because a friend asked me on Friday last week “So are you off the crutches yet? Surely you’re not in pain any longer?” I don’t think you understand….

It’s been a week since my last blog post purely because after saying “ I’m feeling strong” last Monday  I couldn’t find much else positive to say. The truth is:-

1. I’m really tired of asking for help (and believe me, so are my children – I can hear their eye’s rolling when I call!)
2. Not even being able to fill the kettle and make myself a cup of tea is getting to me (although less sugar in my diet has had some reward)
3. Being unable to bear any weight on my right leg is really tiresome
   * remember I can’t hop or swing my leg freely. The pelvis is not strapped together in any way so keeping my bones in place is not done by a plaster cast, I have to keep it all aligned without placing too much pressure on either side of the pelvis. It is a constant struggle and a never-ending learning curve of what works and doesn’t*
4. It’s easier to grin-and-bear-it rather than ask AGAIN for help or move yourself and endure the physical struggle/discomfort
5. Having both my pubis and bum bone uncomfortable does not a happy chappy make as it’s both back and front so no escape missy
6. The bones are not grating anymore, but soft tissue discomfort is still debilitating

So here’s the good news – this week I start training! *woop woop* I’ve been told swimming will be good and I’m keen to try.

The logistics of taking a simple swim are interesting. Getting into the pool should be as easy as a controlled belly flop. Getting out of the pool without the ability to put any weight on my right leg or for that matter hop up the stairs is a challenge. I also can’t just pull up onto the side and flop on my bum. I think asking one of those buff weight training dude’s to haul me out may be a plan. Hehe.

Oh and to my children – I’m thinking of ways to create more mommy time, I’ve got to go back to being economically active soon.

Monday 30th August 2010 – The posterior protested too much

In order to progress I’ve got to see how much I can do and so decided to go into work for our weekly Monday Morning Meeting. From there I figured I’d see how long I could last.  

Nope! The posterior protested too much.

I didn’t even make it all the way through the first meeting. My body (read bum) is obviously not yet ready.  I’m not normally one for wailing “take me home” but pain beats endurance at the moment. (I’m hoping to swing it the other way someday soon)

Exactly three weeks after the cycling accident today and I’m feeling remarkably strong, but patience is yet to come visit me.

Monday 23rd August 2010 – There’s a lesson in everything?

14 days since my cycling accident

My 12 year old, who is an eternal optimist, told her friend – who is also 12 and has been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes – “there’s a reason for everything.”  He was mad with her for saying that and so was I when the same words were said to me! I was mad-angry AND a tad mad-coocoo – but that may just be the drugs I’m still on.

But after 2 weeks of battling to move, being trapped in a reclined position and having a “child-minder” with me every time I shower. I get it – there is a lesson in here, not only for me but for some of those around me too.

STOP –BREATHE – THINK!

I’ve gotten all tangled up in the complexities of life, struggling to keep up with today’s fast pace and altering circumstances. I thought I was being ‘change-fluent’ but actually adaptational fatigue was setting in and it hit me hard (along with the tar of course).

My 15 year old admitted to me that she’s actually enjoyed me being trapped at home because I’m accessible again and can’t escape with an excuse of being busy with work or needing to fly out for a training cycle.  When she saw the hurt in my eyes she quickly responded with “ I love you mom and you’re a great mom-n-all but I like having you where I can get you all the time.” Ahhh teenagers – you gotta luv em.

It does however make me realise that I’m often not in-the-present. I’m worried about “what’s next”.

There is never a challenge without an opportunity and mine is the realisation that today is special and my resources are to be found within not ‘out-there’.

I’ve had so many mini-epiphanies in the past 14 days some of which I hope others will gain from:-

1. Things DO happen for a reason and you should always try find the lesson
2. There’s no point fighting the situation you’re in. Surrender to it and ride the tide
3. Accept help from others. It helps you and lets them do something useful which brings about self-worth and gratitude
4. DO IT. Nike is right ‘Just Do It’! Mrs Bones (see entry of 11 Aug) has no chance of ever doing anything wilfully again. Whilst you’re still able – ‘do it’. Don’t wait for the right moment, or enough money, or the right circumstance. I was told by a 68 yr old last week she wishes she’d tried weed/pot/hash in her time. I’m gonna go and buy her some the moment I can walk so that she can experience it!
   I’m using those special bath salts which I was saving because today I’ll enjoy them, tomorrow I may be in hospital!
5. You have people around you who love you. Love them back and make time for them. I’ve been ‘friends’ with one beautiful person for over 10 years and it is only since she brought me supper and came to my house for the first time did I realise how much I’ve missed in not spending more time with her!
6. Your mom loves you. My mom has always been around for me and of course she loves me! The accident has however made me realise how I underestimated that love, and how much a mommy’s love can do for you.
7. A set back is a set for a come back. I’m filled with anticipation, high hopes and new resolutions and I didn’t even have to wait for a New Year!  Watch this blog and track my progress back onto the bike and beyond.

There are many more learnings, but that’s enough for now.

Sunday 22nd August 2010 – Out the house

Gavin took me out the house today for the first time since the cycling accident. Oh how the small things can be HUGE when your reality has changed. What a treat is was for me!  How sad – or is it?

The outing consisted of me getting down three steps from the bedroom and three crutched paces till the car; a car ride to Gotcha around the corner three crutched paces till three steps up into the restaurant; breakfast and then the journey in reverse.

I was tired and sore after that but it was SO MUCH FUN!

We sat outside and the warmth of the sun on my face was awesome. Seeing people going about their Sunday business with grumpy faces or furrowed brows made me realise how quick we are to forget the little things. A simple meal on a beautiful Sunday morning with the person I adore. Bliss.

Wednesday, 18th August 2010 – Why am I here?

A friend posted the question “Why am I here” on Facebook today and it is exactly what has been going through my mind. I particularly liked the one answer – “depends where you are, if you’re at the petrol station I would suggest getting petrol”.

This little cycling accident has totally taken me out of normal circulation (thankfully not like theatre actress Fiona Coyne who died in a car accident today) but enough that home and work life continues as normal. There is no hole in the pond where I was. Life has closed up around me and continued as normal. It hurts!

With so much time on my hands it has occupied my mind. I have a new found philosophy: instead of “doing-ness” in life, my purpose is my “being-ness”. Who am I being underneath what I am doing?

The internet tells me:- “A life on purpose is a life of courage, creative expression, conscious awareness and abundant possibility through authentic being and clear compassionate service and love.”

Fine. It’s my life…I’m going to imagine the possibilities.